We fully support new housing as long as it is built somewhere we cannot see it
We are absolutely committed to solving the housing crisis. Everyone deserves an affordable home. This is a fundamental value of our party and we will never waver from it.
However.
The proposed development on the field behind Waitrose would fundamentally alter the character of the village, increase traffic on Church Lane, and cast a shadow over the community orchard between the hours of 3pm and 4:15pm in late November. We have commissioned an independent light study to confirm this.
We are not against development. We just think it should happen in a location that doesnt affect parking, property values, the view from our kitchen, local traffic, school places, or the habitat of the lesser spotted newt that someone on the parish council claims to have seen in 2019.
Somewhere up north, perhaps. They have loads of space.
Preserve our local high street by only shopping there when John Lewis is too far away
I was just stuck in the car park at the retail park again today and it really hit me how depressing the whole place is.
I was sitting there surrounded by concrete and massive warehouses like TK Maxx and Costa and I honestly felt a bit sick.
I turned to my partner and said it is just such a tragedy what is happening to our high streets lately.
We both sat there nodding and looking all solemn while we finished our lattes in the car before heading in to buy cheap towels.
It is a conversation we have had about a hundred times usually while we are loading the boot with stuff we bought from a massive corporation.
But I have decided that today is the day we actually make a proper commitment to our local shops.
I really mean it this time because we need to start putting our money where our mouths are if we want our village to keep its character.
So from now on I am specifically going to use the local butcher whenever I am making something really impressive for dinner.
You know the kind of meal where you have spent three hours on a reduction and you want to make sure everyone knows exactly where the meat came from.
I can already hear myself telling the guests that I had a long chat with the butcher about the provenance of the lamb while he hand-carved it for me.
It just adds so much more to the evening when you have a story to tell about "Dave" down at the shop rather than just peeling off a plastic film.
Plus it makes me feel like I am part of some ancient local tradition even if I only go in there once every three or four months.
Then there is the artisan bakery which is basically the cornerstone of our entire social identity on the weekends.
I am committing to buying all our bread there whenever we have friends staying over for brunch.
There is nothing quite like putting a massive loaf of sourdough on the table that cost seven pounds and is basically impossible to slice.
We can all sit there and talk about the fermentation process and how much better it is for your gut than the processed stuff from the supermarket.
It really creates that perfect "local life" aesthetic that we all want to project even if the loaf is mostly air and crust.
I will feel like a total hero of the high street while I am carrying that brown paper bag back to my car.
And of course we absolutely have to save the independent bookshop because it is the heart and soul of the community.
I am going to make a point of visiting them this Christmas to soak up the atmosphere and look at the lovely displays.
I will spend a good half hour browsing through the shelves and feeling very intellectual while I hold the hardbacks.
I might even ask the owner for a recommendation just to show that I support their expertise and their passion for literature.
But then I will probably see the price on the back and realize I can get it way cheaper elsewhere.
So I will just slip my phone out and check the Amazon app while I am hiding behind a display of local poetry.
Once I see it is five pounds cheaper with next day delivery I will just head back to the car and order it from my phone.
I will feel a bit bad about it for about ten seconds but then I will remember that I am still "supporting" the shop just by being there.
I am keeping the footfall up which is basically a public service if you think about it.
This is what a real thriving community looks like in the modern world and we should all be proud of it.
We want the pretty shop fronts and the nice window displays to look at while we are walking the dog.
We just don't necessarily want to pay the prices that actually keep those shops in business.
But by popping in once in a blue moon to buy a card or a loaf of bread we are doing our bit to keep the dream alive.
I think the local business owners should actually be thanking us for keeping the "vibe" of the town going.
You are all very welcome for my incredible sacrifice.
Ban all through-traffic on our road but maintain our divine right to drive everywhere else
The traffic on our road is terrible. Something must be done. Specifically, a Low Traffic Neighbourhood that prevents other people from using our road as a shortcut. This is about safety, air quality, and the children.
However, the proposed LTN on Acacia Drive is an outrageous assault on our freedom of movement and we will be writing to the council, our MP, and the Daily Mail about it. That is a road we need to use to get to Pilates. Its completely different.
In summary: traffic calming on our street is progressive urban planning. Traffic calming on streets we need to drive through is authoritarian overreach. We trust this distinction is clear.
All new wind turbines must be invisible and silent and preferably in France
We are absolutely pro-renewable energy. Climate change is the defining challenge of our generation and we take it very seriously. We have a heat pump and everything.
That said, the proposal for a wind farm on the ridge above Little Snoring is completely unacceptable. It would be visible from the garden, it would affect house prices, and Clive from number 12 says the low frequency hum gives him migraines, although he also says that about the dishwasher.
Our position is simple. Wind turbines should be built offshore, ideally far enough offshore that you cant see them even on a clear day with binoculars. Or in France. The French love that sort of thing and they have much more space between the chateaux.
We remain fully committed to net zero, subject to it not requiring any visible infrastructure within a 15-mile radius of our house.
Full backing for solar farms — with some very reasonable conditions
The Nimby Liberation Front is fully committed to net zero and believes solar farms are an essential part of the energy transition. We support them wholeheartedly, subject to the following very reasonable conditions:
— Not visible from a listed building
— Not visible from a national park
— Not within three miles of a village green
— Not on farmland (too ugly)
— Not on brownfield sites (too industrial)
— Not on rooftops (affects the streetscape)
— Not near a golf course
— Not near the school run route, for safety reasons we will outline in a future submission
— Not near the vicar's garden, as he has asked us specifically
— Not near the cottage, for reasons we don't need to get into here
We look forward to supporting this policy in whichever remaining locations may prove suitable.
Strong support for affordable housing, with some very minor and entirely reasonable conditions
The Nimby Liberation Front is unambiguous in its support for affordable housing. The country is in a housing crisis. Young people cannot afford to buy. Young families are being pushed out of villages like ours. This is a tragedy and we stand fully with them.
We have therefore convened an emergency meeting of the parish to consider how best to support the proposed development on the old cricket field. The parish is broadly supportive, subject to a small number of refinements which we feel, on mature reflection, would improve the scheme considerably.
Firstly, while we embrace the principle of affordable housing, we would gently suggest that the developments themselves should perhaps be elsewhere. The cricket field is a much-loved community space, used for approximately eleven days a year and several memorial teas. It would be a tragedy to lose it.
Secondly, if the housing must be built here, we would strongly recommend that it take the form of a single, modest, mews-style development of no more than four homes, ideally in a traditional local stone with slate roofs matching those of the Old Vicarage. The proposed 80-home estate is, in our view, slightly out of character.
Thirdly, the residents of any new development would ideally be "the right sort of people" — young professionals, retired teachers, perhaps a vet. We would have reservations about any scheme that did not provide for a careful selection process.
Fourthly, the access road must not, under any circumstances, run past the lower meadow, where Tarquin walks every morning. We have been advised by our solicitor that this would be highly disruptive.
Fifthly, the parking arrangements at the village hall must not be affected. The book club is already struggling.
With these small modifications we feel that this proposal could be an exemplary model of how to deliver housing without unduly impacting the character of the village or the valuations of existing properties, a consideration which, we stress, is in no way our primary motivation.
We look forward to a constructive and collaborative conversation in due course.
What do you think?
Vote on individual policies, adapt them, or write your own alternative. Good ideas should be tested.