Replace GDP as a measure of national success with a Queue Satisfaction Index

GDP is a terrible measure of how a country is actually doing. You know what isnt? How the queues are. If the queues are orderly, of reasonable length, and nobody is pushing in, the country is functioning. If the queues are chaotic, too long, and full of people who dont know what theyre queuing for, things have gone wrong.

We propose the Queue Satisfaction Index (QSI), measured quarterly across Post Offices, A&E departments, council phone lines, and the M25 between junctions 8 and 12.

The QSI already exists informally. Every British person knows exactly how the country is doing based on their last experience in a queue. We are simply proposing that we measure it properly and publish the results. If the QSI drops below acceptable levels for two consecutive quarters, the government must take action or resign. This is more accountability than weve had in decades.