Officially redesignate all potholes as "traffic calming features" and mark the problem as resolved

The Managed Decline Party notes that the pothole problem is, in the language of Whitehall, "a long-standing challenge". What we mean by this is that we have completely given up.

Rather than continuing the expensive charade of "repairing" them, we propose that every pothole in the UK be officially reclassified as a Designated Traffic Calming Feature. The advantages are many:

— It costs nothing.
— The pothole statistics drop to zero overnight.
— The council can issue a press release claiming a 100% improvement.
— Drivers will naturally slow down, reducing road casualties.
— The Department for Transport can redeploy the maintenance budget to a scheme of roundabout vanity signage.

This is, we believe, the honest solution. The potholes were always going to stay. We are simply giving them a title.