Britain should reclaim sovereign control of its own weather. Enough is enough.

Last summer it was 34 degrees in Surrey. Thirty-four. In Surrey. I was born in 1962 and I can tell you categorically that this is not British weather. British weather is 19 degrees and overcast with the threat of a shower. British weather is exactly the sort of weather in which you can comfortably wear a light cardigan at all times. This is what the British people voted for.

Since we joined the Common Market in 1973 our weather has become increasingly continental. Hot summers. Mild winters. A suspicious absence of proper rain. I do not care what the scientists say — the timing speaks for itself. We outsourced our meteorology to Brussels and this is the result.

The Great British Common Sense Party therefore proposes the following. Firstly, Britain must formally withdraw from any international weather-sharing agreements, which I assume exist, because everything else is a treaty these days. Secondly, the Met Office is to be renamed The Ministry of British Weather and given a statutory duty to deliver only traditional weather patterns — drizzle in summer, frost at christmas, a light mist on a tuesday. Thirdly, any day in which the temperature exceeds 27 degrees must be accompanied by a formal apology from the Prime Minister to the British people.

Some will say this is not how meteorology works. To those people I say: it wasn't how sovereignty worked either, until we voted for it.

My dad fought in the war so that I could complain about the temperature in the garden. I am honouring his memory. You couldn't make it up. I have.